Mindfulness

By Kristie Santana

Human beings have a unique evolutionary superpower. It has fueled our ingenuity as a species, while also acting as a form of kryptonite if left unchecked. The American Psychology Association refers to it as “Task-Unrelated Thoughts” or “Stimulus Independent Thoughts,” but you probably know it as “mind wandering.”

Our human minds have been uniquely programmed to spontaneously think about ideas that have nothing to do with what we’re actually experiencing in the moment. And this “superpower” is at the root of our ability to learn, plan, and visualize the means to build a better future. But paradoxically, these spontaneous thoughts can be at the root of our most common and destructive patterns of unhappiness. 

Mindfulness training can help us harness the beneficial aspects of “stimulus independent thoughts,” and reduce their ability to run the show and pull us off course into patterns of distraction, anxiety, projection, and negative self-talk.

This training is, without a doubt, a nuanced endeavour. 

Enter mindfulness coaching.

A skilled mindfulness coach guides you and ensures your training succeeds in enhancing your ability to focus, perform creatively, alleviate stress, and experience happiness in your daily life. 

It’s important to note that the objective for your mindfulness coach is not to “clear your mind.” Mindfulness does not mean you avoid thinking altogether. Instead, it is a tool that allows you to notice your thoughts and curiously investigate how helpful or unhelpful they are and manage your response to them with compassion. The goal of mindfulness coaching is to enhance your non-reactive rational and ethical thinking, not to diminish your ability to make decisions decisively.

You will be guided through exercises that develop your ability to become more attuned to thought and emotional patterns and help you compassionately delineate between patterns that are more helpful and productive, and others that may be less so.

Each week will build on the next and your coach will hold you accountable by asking you questions about any insights you may have had from the training you did on your own in between sessions.

When practicing mindfulness, your coach will likely point out that even unhelpful thought patterns are not to be compulsively averted. Doing so may lead you to develop a blind spot around a deeper issue (e.g. fear or judgement) that’s taken a seat in your subconscious. 

The very gifted mindfulness teacher, Tara Brach, uses the phrase RAIN to illustrate this practice. 

Recognize what is happening 

Allow the experience to be there, just as it is 

Investigate with interest and care

Nurture with self-compassion

So, instead of bumping into a feeling that causes friction within ourselves and immediately saying, “Nope! Only happy thoughts and feelings are allowed!” RAIN is a more restorative way to transmute our painful patterns.

Tara makes the point that when we have thoughts or feelings about someone else or ourselves fueled by anger, resentment, or judgement, it is usually due to a lack of compassion somewhere. Maybe we genuinely feel hurt about something and the pain has mutated into anger. This insight is revealed when we: 

Recognize what is happening 

Try and recognize anger as it arises. It may make itself known via physical sensation in our body, as a repetitive thought, or as a rapid fire succession of thoughts.

Now, think of yourself as holding a smartphone camera to your mind. Watch it in the frame and then press the slo-mo button. Breathe, and become very present to your surroundings and how your body feels in space. Right about now, you’ll probably be able to say, “Wow. I’m experiencing anger right now.” Breathe some more and:

Allow the experience to be there, just as it is 

Pause any actions or speaking that the anger seems to compel. Just keep breathing and stay present. And without judgement, begin to ask, “I wonder why this is?”

Investigate with interest and care

At this point, you will likely uncover a “pinch” moment of pain that triggered the anger.

With tenderness, direct yourself away from the impulse to distract and deflect with blame. Now, gently explore, “why did this spark such pain in me?”

Next, we hold ourselves, and the pain we are feeling, in compassion. 

Nurture with self-compassion

Think of this compassion as a comforting embrace that comes from all things simultanously. It’s much like holding and comforting a crying child, easing them until they are able to breathe more slowly and find calm. And just like you would with a child, give yourself assurance and love.

As we observe the present moment, there’s a high likelihood that this experience unfolded in reaction to or in conjunction with another person, and they may also be experiencing their own anger or painful emotion. This is when we can recognize their anger was also initiated by a pinch moment of pain — a pain that is, in its essence, the same as ours. We know it doesn’t feel good, and how easy it is to let it carry us away into anger and malice. Now, we shower the same compassion we applied to ourselves, toward them. 

Training in mindfulness is a powerful way to reshape our patterns toward ourselves and other people. And a coach can answer our questions and guide us steadily on the path. Patterns of Stimulus Independent Thoughts that are really dominant in us at the start of our practice could derail our practice. 

A mindfulness coach is the outside eye and ear we need on the journey. Practice might not make perfect, but with the help of a trained coach it can make you ever more peaceful, pleasurable, and present.

Kristie Santana is the founder of the National Coach Academy and founding member of Life Coach Path. Both are popular career resources for students looking to enter the field of coaching. Kristie has 15 years of experience as a coach, coaching advocate, and educator.