Ever try to break a habit? When I was younger, I bit my fingernails. I don’t remember why it felt irresistible, but I do remember how compelling it felt. Every time I thought about trying to stop, the urge to bite became stronger. My mind seemed caught in a cycle of thought that only increased the drive to chew those nails.
Later in life I discovered something valuable about thoughts and habits. I was practicing a piece of music I’d learned years earlier. As I got to a certain place in the piece, a thought arose about something I hadn’t thought about for years. What was most interesting was that it was the exact thought I was having when I originally learned the piece. I had practiced my thinking along with the playing. The habit of those thoughts was just as ingrained as the playing of those notes. I remembered what my first harpsichord teacher told me:
Practice does not make perfect; perfect practice makes perfect.
Clearly we practice our thoughts just like we practice anything. What we think and do over and over becomes what we think and do over and over. So what do we do if what we’re thinking and doing is not what we want to be thinking and doing? How do we break the habit?
The Secrets
As I learned from the increased urge to bite my nails when I thought about quitting, trying to stop a habit only makes it stronger. And this is confirmed by Newton’s Third Law in physics and by the Law of Attraction. Newton showed that every action (trying to break a habit) brings about and equal but opposite reaction (urge to continue the habit). The Law of Attraction says that whatever you bring attention to (the habit) will attract more of that (the habit).
The good news is that we’re always able to start a new habit by thinking new thoughts. We just need to decide to think something new.
Skeptical? Do you think simply telling yourself to think something new isn’t possible? Let me prove it to you.
I love that tiny red elephant.
I believe you now see an image of a tiny red elephant you feel positively toward. All I had to do was plant an idea and your mind did the rest. You can do this any time you want. Just decide what thought you want to have and think it.
But won’t my old thoughts come back? Yes. They might even get stronger when you first start practicing something new. But if you practice the new thought everyday (even as little as a few minutes a day) and do your best to ignore the old thoughts, the new thought soon becomes normal and the old ones simply fade away. It really is that simple. Just don’t add energy to the thoughts you don’t want.
Doesn’t that take self-discipline and patience? Yes. Like a parent patiently reminding their child of behavior they want to encourage, you can be that parent for yourself. When you notice the old thought, acknowledge it and let it be. Then consciously think the new thought.
But what if the thought I want to have flies in the face of reality? Surely you don’t expect me to think that? Why not? Reality is only what we believe it to be. Beliefs are only thoughts we keep thinking. Clearly the thoughts you’ve been thinking haven’t helped you get what you want. What other reason do you need for creating a new thought? Define what’s possible, not by your old beliefs, but by your vision of the future. Reality really is only what we perceive it to be. (Still Skeptical? Check out an earlier post here or watch this Ted Talk by Anil Seth).
So what are the secrets to breaking a habit?
Don’t.
As we learn from both Newton and the Law of Attraction, trying to break a habit only strengthens it.
Know what you want.
If you’re wanting to change a habit, you clearly know what you don’t want. Get just as clear on what you do want.
Create a new thought.
Come up with a thought that not only supports and clarifies what you want, but does it in a positive way and feels good when you think it. For instance, “Opportunities are constantly finding their way to me” instead of “I want more opportunities.” This second version is like saying “I don’t have enough opportunities.” It’s focused on the lack rather than on what you want.
Practice, practice, practice.
Repeat the new, positive thought to yourself every chance you get. Shoot for 500 times (or 5000). Also be mindful of any accompanying thoughts and feelings that are contrary to your desired thought. You don’t want to invite them to join the party. If your old beliefs continue to argue against the new thoughts by trying to prove them wrong, then change your new thought into a question. For instance, “In what ways are opportunities constantly coming to me?”
Over time your new thought will not only become your normal way of thinking, but the old thought will gradually lose its power and vanish like smoke.
Are you wanting to have a new thought? Type “yes” or your favorite emoji in the comments below. Feel free to start practicing your new thought by sharing it too.
© 2019 Paul Boehnke
Leave a Reply