Life Lesson: The Big Lie

I grew up in an ordinary Midwestern town. We were an average, well-educated family striving to belong. We did the things an honest, upstanding family ought to do. We went to church, voted for the right candidates, kept our sidewalks shoveled. We played by the rules. When later in life I lived in The Netherlands, I learned a common Dutch saying, “Doe maar gewoon” which means “just be normal.” My family was that in spades.

When I was young these “normal” ways helped me fit into my family. They gave me a sense of love and belonging. But later in life I found myself feeling stuck, confused, even fearful. Life wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t all that great either. Something felt missing, lost. I found myself feeling separate from others and from myself. Although the outward appearance of my life seemed well adjusted, solid and successful, the reality inside was more akin to fearful, emotionally impoverished and like a wall flower at the ninth grade dance. Somehow the thought and behavior patterns I’d picked up as a child were no longer working.

What could possibly have gone wrong?

I saw some who didn’t play by the rules. These rebels simply did what they were drawn to do. They let people know what they wanted, how they felt, who they were. They seemed in charge of their lives. There was an authenticity, energy and vitality about them. And boy, I sure wanted some of that.

Eventually I discovered that in straining to be “normal,” I had hidden away the parts of me that were unique. The particular genius the universe had planted in me had become dormant. Even when I got a glimpse of it, I was afraid to show it for fear others would think I was from Mars.

The turning point for me was when I realized the ways I’d learned growing up were just family patterns. Patterns I believed to be true. I thought, “that’s just how I am.” That was the big lie. I thought these patterns kept me safe. Instead they kept me hidden and small. The patterns weren’t who I was. Deep down I knew there was a lot more waiting to be born. Watching those rebels I realized it was possible to be who I was meant to be.

All of us take on family patterns. But everyone also has a unique, divine spark waiting to be born into the universe. You know what you love, what gives you energy, what makes you unique, what makes you who you are. Own those qualities and all their possibilities. Imagine a vision for your life that honors the fullness of those possibilities. And don’t think small.

The universe doesn’t need another mediocre life. It needs you to be everything you can be.

The only question is whether you will step into this truth. Are you willing to learn new patterns, step over whatever hurdles arise and live into the life that’s been waiting for you? The most successful people work endlessly at their goals. They fail often, get right back up and try again. Regardless of how many times they fall, they eventually find the road they need. Their vision becomes their reality. In bringing your own genius to the world, will you be “all in?”

Doe mar niet gewoon. (Don’t be normal). It’s time to get on your own road and see how far you can go. It may be a lot farther than you think.

In the comments below, let me know patterns (or lies) you’ve discovered in your own life. And then use the social icons to forward this on to the friend you know needs this. Thanks!

© 2018 Paul Boehnke