Last month I wrote about the 4 steps to get your inner critic to be your inner cheerleader. As a review:
Step 1: Create a bit of space or separation between the inner critic and the Self.
Step 2: Build a better relationship between the inner critic and the Self.
Step 3: Find a new, supportive message you would like to hear from your inner critic.
Step 4: Practice your new belief/thought.
As promised, this blog post will explore this fourth step in more detail.
Before becoming a life coach, I spent many years as a classical musician. When you’re performing, having your mind off in space and not on the job is a very unhelpful place for it to be. One of the skills I regularly put to use was training my mind to think what I needed it to think when I needed it to think it. So a large portion of rehearsing became rehearsing what I wanted to be thinking.
My first conscious experience of this was my preparation for one of my solo concerts when I was in graduate school. I was going to be playing an entire hour’s worth of music from memory. My teacher encouraged me to do some of my practicing sitting in a chair, away from the instrument. At first I thought this a strange idea. But I quickly realized that playing the music in my head, imagining what my fingers were doing and exactly which notes I was playing, was very effective and let me know how well I’d memorized a piece. If there was a section where I didn’t know exactly what notes to play, then I knew which section needed more careful memorization.
By the time the performance came around, I’d spent many hours thinking through the concert note by note. And during the last week or so of preparation, I practiced the actual performance itself. After warming up, I’d go sit in the green room of the concert hall imagining it was the night of the concert. I thought about the people who would be there and what I would feel like. I’d then walk out on stage (to an empty auditorium) to imaginary applause, I’d bow, take my seat and play the program. When I got to the real performance I saw how effective this mental practice was.
When performing, most performers usually have random thoughts that come into their minds from seemingly nowhere. Thoughts that have nothing to do with the job at hand and are usually quite distracting. That still happened to me during this performance. But what was different was those random thoughts simply passed out of my mind as quickly as they came. All my mental practice had worn the thought pathways so well that distracting thoughts couldn’t get stuck. My mind immediately refocused on what I’d trained it to think.
That was proof enough that my thoughts could be trained. But what happened after that is what really surprised me.
When I was an undergraduate, I was learning a pretty difficult piece which had a very small section that was especially hard. One day I spent 40” practicing just that small section hoping to make it less awkward. What was interesting though (in hindsight) is that while I was practicing these few measures, I was thinking about something else. Something that had nothing to do with the music.
Fast forward five years, I decided to play that piece again. And when I got to the tiny section, the thoughts I’d been having while I practiced it came screaming back into my mind. I was shocked. Why was I thinking those thoughts now? They had nothing to do with my life then.
I realized the most important thing: I’d practiced those thoughts along with the notes.
We all have habitual thoughts. Often we’re not even aware of them. But if you were to keep a record of all your thoughts, you’d probably be surprised to see how often you think the same ones. The more you think them, the more easily you think them again. The great news though, is that you get to decide which thoughts you want to think again and again (step 3 above).
Once you decide, the next step (step 4) is to practice those thoughts. Practice them a lot. Practice them as often as you can. The more you think them, the easier they become to think again. I recommend starting that practice at times when it’s easy, times when you’re not faced with situations that activate the thoughts you don’t want. The more you practice them in the easy times, the easier it will become to think them when the thinking counts.
Just like your piano teacher told you to do, practice the thoughts you want every day. Sit down, close your eyes and think. Do this for five minutes. Or fifty minutes. Any amount is fine. Just make it a regular habit. Pretty soon that inner critic will no longer be very active and your inner cheerleader will be a constant companion.
This is the sort of work I often do with my clients. They find so much relief from the burden the inner critic brings. They feel empowered and capable of doing anything they set their minds to. Use these four steps to free yourself from self doubt and self judgment. Then imagine what could come true for you in six months or six years.
Gotta go. Time for me to practice my thinking.
© copyright 2019, Paul Boehnke
Leave a Reply