As the new year comes ‘round once again I find myself reflecting on the past, present and future. Three years ago I made some pretty big changes in my life. I left my decades old career as a musician and now work as a life coach. On the outside this appeared to some as a drastic and possibly irrational shift. On the inside though, it felt like the obvious next step in what had been unfolding for many years. The question I’ve been grappling with is whether change happens suddenly or gradually. Judging by my experience three years ago, the answer depends on your perspective.
There are watershed moments in life which seem to clearly mark a moment in time, a moment after which things are forever changed. Things like birth, marriage, graduation, the first day of school are moments generally remembered as changes that bring joy and hope. Then there are the moments that can feel more traumatic: divorce, death, diagnosis, accidents, job loss. Either way, time seems to have been divided into before and after. It’s as if Father Time’s scythe irrevocably separates one period of time from another.
Sometimes we need to wield that scythe ourselves and make a clean and sudden break from something. We come to a point when we realize the ways things are is no longer serving us. We know that we can’t go back and that forward into something else is the only option. At that point we know we’re in a different space and it’s time to make a clean break. That’s what I did three years ago.
But that brings back the question about whether change is gradual or sudden. Was the realization and decision to do something new an abrupt turn of events? Or was it a tiny change of thought that was brought about by all the experiences leading up to it?
I believe the answer is both. Change does seem to take time to manifest. Our human nature has a tendency to resist change because it brings with it a natural sense of fear. So we find ways to ignore the little messages we get along the way that say something is different now. Eventually the “different” becomes large enough we can no longer avoid it.
Change happens when the pain of staying is greater than the fear of changing.
The thing that I really want to highlight though is that our thoughts play a huge role in how change plays out in our lives. The more we allow our past to define us by identifying ourselves with what’s happened to us, the longer it takes to create the change we want. Caroline Myss has a great way of putting this. She says the more weight (psychological baggage) we have around something, the longer we have to wait for transformation to manifest.1
We so often tell ourselves things like: I’ve had a hard time dieting in the past, or I always lose motivation and stop exercising, or I’m just not the kind of person who…. These statements make it clear that your past is defining your present.
The assumption, that because things have been a certain way in the past they will be the same again in the future, is one of the biggest blocks that keeps people stuck.
That assumption is a lie, and it’s one of the main reasons so many aren’t able to effect the change they say they want. If you want to speed up the time it takes to create a change, you may need to create your own watershed moment. Allow yourself to let go of the past. It has nothing to do with your future. The past does not create your future. You do. You do it with your thoughts and beliefs.
As 2018 becomes 2019, I encourage you to use that outward watershed moment to create an inward watershed moment. Let go of whatever is done and be you in a new way. Be the change you want to see.
Let me know in the comments below any New Year’s resolutions you’re making and what qualities you already possess that will bring those resolutions to pass.
© 2018 Paul Boehnke
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