Three philosphers walk into a bar: Nietsche, Kant and Sinatra. Nietsche pronounced that “To do is to be.” Kant disagreed. He said, “To be is to do!” Sinatra thought for a bit, looked at the drink in his hand, smiled at his companions and said, “Do-be-do-be-do.”
I was talking with someone recently and the topics of doing, being and patience arose. We both came from families that valued accomplishment and achievement. Earning money, cleaning the house, saving the world would all justify our existence and prove we were worthwhile members of society. As I grew this seemed like a normal way to be, and the world around me seemed to agree. Like Nietsche said, “To do is to be.”
I’ve met a lot of people who have had similar experiences with doing. We seem to think doing is the point and get caught up in getting things done. But the odd thing is, most people I talk to also feel like they’re never able to get enough done. We don’t seem to have sufficient time to accomplish all the things on our plates. We never feel satisfied. The whole idea of “enough” seems out of reach, like a mirage toward which we constantly travel but at which we never arrive. It seems the longer we travel toward that mirage, the thirstier we get.
Wanting things to be different
Lately I’ve noticed that I have an underlying desire for things to be different than they are (see Accepting the Unacceptable). I want to be further along in my goals. I want the things I want and expect them with the patience of a three year old in a grocery store checkout lane at dinnertime. There’s this sense that “I’ll only be happy/satisfied/enough when….” Apparently patience and contentment are not my strong suits. I’ve also discovered this discontent is like crack cocaine for the “not enough” monster.
If the saying, we’re human beings – not human doings, is true, what does being look like? And does it mean we lie around in a daze all the time?
At its core, being is about observing. By observing our thoughts and feelings we become aware of the messages we tell ourselves and their effect on us. More importantly, when we identify as that observer, we automatically loosen the grip of those effects. We begin to perceive the roles we play in our circumstances and see the options from which we can choose.
Being moves past the compulsion ego produces. It grounds us in the present. It moves us to action that is rooted in calmness and reality. That action is much more powerful and arises as naturally as an oak tree from an acorn. Being knows we don’t need to frantically search for that mirage of “enough.” Being knows we already are enough.
Recently I had the privilege of observing a young boy with his father at a coffee shop. As they sat down on a couch by a small table the boy looked around and found coloring materials. He immediately started coloring. When his interest in that ended, he kneeled on the couch and looked out the window. He talked and played with his dad. He moved from one activity to the next with ease, speed and without analysis or worry. He clearly had no agenda other than being. He observed what options presented themselves and engaged completely with whatever was there. He paid attention to his impulses and followed their lead. It was a beautiful example of being-inspired doing. Clearly, being doesn’t mean nothing gets done.
We all have the capacity to be. It’s our natural state. It’s how we came into this world. Heck, it’s how we’ll leave this world. Being unburdens our minds and opens our hearts. Being gets us off the relentless assembly line of doing and helps us realize that we are already enough. Being allows us to actually encounter the fulfillment and satisfaction that illusory mirage promises. Trust being and the present moment and your life will have less suffering and more peace.
It’s impossible to fail at life. The question is whether you’re willing to put being at the center. Are you willing to trust what being brings you? You will be amazed at how much you will achieve when you lead with being and allow doing to flow out from there. I’m even willing to wager you’ll accomplish much more than you thought possible.
Of the three philosophers who walked into the bar, I think Sinatra was maybe the closest. I’d change one thing about his answer though. I’d change the order to Be-Do-Be-Do-Be.
© 2018 Paul Boehnke
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